# 46 I WAS HEALED

The scary header image I used for my blog, helped describe the awful feeling of having something sharp in my eyes 24/7.

It was a beautiful day. After much needed rain, the air was clear and slightly warm. Even though it wasn’t spring yet, the smell of blossoms caused me to inhale deeply.

I walked briskly toward the building where I had an appointment with my ophthalmologist. It had been 9 months since I had last seen my doctor. Even though she wasn’t able to “cure” my dry eyes, I always respected her. She would prescribe things that I asked for, such as serum tears. Few people ever had that covered by insurance, but mine were. Unfortunately serum tears and most remedies didn’t help my problem, they worsened it.

This would definitely be an interesting appointment because I wasn’t suffering anymore with unrelenting eye irritation and pain.

I managed just fine with my eyes now. Some days were better than others. On this particular day, my eyes were tired and slightly dry. It was probably due to spending a lot of time on my computer the night before. But I had escaped the lifelong diagnosis of dry eye suffering and for that, I was eternally grateful.

As I opened the doors to my ophthalmologist’s office, I wondered, “How had I escaped?”

I often shared my technique of using coconut oil. But other than one woman who said it was helpful for her, no one else seemed to have been cured as dramatically as I was. I remember how I used to search the dry eye support group site. I was envious of people who found relief. I tried so many things, and was devastated when they hurt my eyes. I had such a long list.

I tried acupuncture. It was relaxing, but my dry eye problem wasn’t alleviated.

Many items I ordered were expensive. If I couldn’t use them, I mailed them for free to any dry eyes sufferers who were interested. That helped me feel better about it.

Perhaps the key for me was that I never gave up.

I did rest for periods of time; I admit I was in complete despair. But it wasn’t giving up because eventually I went back to trying something else.

These are a partial list.

The last thing on my list was to go to a naturopathic doctor. I had heard of that before, but without a recommendation I had no idea who to trust. Plus it was expensive. So instead I tried dietary changes on my own without any improvement of my eye condition.

When I did go to a NT (naturopathic) doctor, I made many changes. (See posts: #40 A NATURAL PATH-PART 1 and #41 A NATURAL PATH-PART 2)

I attribute my cure to the coconut oil technique. The week before I started it, I finished a regimen of preservative-free allergy eye drops that were a disaster. My eyes were horrible and I went to see the optometrist who recommended those drops. She saw my irritation and told me to discontinue them immediately.

The night after that appointment I began using a coconut oil technique. I was desperate. I had waited on it because it was important for me to try only one thing at a time. That way, there would be no confusion about what worked or didn’t.

I put the oil into the eyecups and stared through it. The next morning I woke up. My eyes didn’t hurt. I couldn’t believe it!

From that day forward I continued using the oil at night. Once my eyes were better, I didn’t sustain many of the things my NT suggested. I went back to using some plastic items in my kitchen and I stopped using an air purifier in my bedroom.

I take a lot of supplements with my NT doctor and even underwent a six-week detox regimen. However, my eye issues resolved before I did this.

A few months after my eyes stopped hurting, I had an appointment scheduled for scleral lenses. They would be expensive and my eyes were much better. I debated about cancelling that appointment.

I’m glad I didn’t. The doctor suggested that instead of scleral lenses, I try soft daily contact lenses. I was amazed at how I was able to handle lenses again. These were different from the hard contact lenses I had worn for 40 years. I had to practice taking them in and out.

Initially, I received a multifocal lens for my right eye. It would allow me to have some close up vision, which was convenient. But when I’d go to a movie or play tennis, I didn’t like seeing blurry in the distance on that one eye.

A month later I asked my doctor to prescribe another lens for me that I could wear for those other situations.

I only wear my lenses about twice a week – mostly for social occasions or for a tennis game. My friends have told me I’m seeing the ball much better these days. I am elated for other reasons. Once my eye condition improved, I was able to concentrate on dieting. I gained a lot of weight during when I was suffering from dry eyes – eating helped me feel better temporarily. I took off 40 pounds in six months and was a new woman.

I feel tremendous empathy and sorrow for my fellow dry eye sufferers. I wish everyone could find something that heals him or her. I encourage people to keep trying. If I had given up, I would still be suffering.

I consider myself cured because I live my life without my eyes hurting or distracting me.

That doesn’t mean my eyes are 100% the way they were before this condition took over my life. There are times when my eyes are annoying, but I do not use any kind of drop. My problem became severe after I overused eye drops and eyelid wipes. And my eyes are still very different since having cataract surgery. I have a lot of floaters due to PVD (posterior vitreous detachment).

I’ve continued to use coconut oil before I go to bed, but not every day. If I miss a day, sometimes I’ll notice. Then I’m sure to use the oil again that night. I never use it during the day because my vision is affected and gets blurry from the oil.

I was ushered into an exam room for my appointment. The doctor’s assistant came in and asked me to look at the eye chart. I wore my glasses and asked her for results when we were done. She said, “Great! You saw 20/20!”

When my ophthalmologist came into the exam room, she carefully looked at my chart. “Your vision test was excellent,” she said warmly and added, “How are you? I haven’t seen you in a while. You are able to wear contact lenses? That isn’t something recommended for people with dry eyes.”

I was excited to share with her my amazing story. I began with explaining my coconut oil technique. I described how I put the oil in eyecups at night, and after the first attempt, my eye pain went away.

She nervously laughed but seemed genuinely happy for me. “Let’s take a look at your eyes,” she said. She put in yellow fluorescein drops and turned off the light.

“Your eye pressure is good,” she said. “Everything looks great!”

I wondered if she needed to see me again. I asked her if I needed to make an appointment to come back.

“It’s not necessary,” she said. “You don’t need to come back again unless there’s a problem.”

Just as I was ready to leave, she asked me about my multifocal lens. She said, “I didn’t know those were available. I also wear dailies and now I want to get one!”

I was amazed how I was sharing helpful information with my doctor. It felt great to be a pioneer of so many positive things.

As I walked out of the building toward my car, I took a deep breath of the springtime air.

I felt like I was walking on a cloud. I remembered how I used to leave eye appointments with my throat choked with tears. When I’d get to my car, I’d sob for a few minutes before driving home.

I was very thankful that those days were behind me now.

Once my eyes were better, I took a vacation to Costa Rica. It was heavenly to travel without pain!

I was able to scuba dive and see really well with my new daily contact lenses.

I really appreciated the gorgeous jungle scenery with my lenses while rafting on my trip. I did get wet and closed my eyes during those moments.

I closed my eyes while zip lining and wearing goggles would have been a better idea.

© Judy Unger and http://dryeyediaries@wordpress.com 2017. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Judy Unger with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

#45 MY HEALING AND NEW FOCUS – PART 2

In this picture, I am holding an Acuvue Moist Lens on my finger.

When I was filmed for a 3-minute video about how I’ve dealt with dry eyes, I was asked to describe my “turning point.”

I believe I’ve had more than one turning point. There wasn’t one moment when I felt I was “cured,” but there were many moments – baby steps where I saw definite improvement. Improvement came with my willingness to search and try new remedies; not an easy thing for me because sometimes those new remedies caused my eyes to feel worse.

Finding a support group gave me an excellent place to share and gather information.

When the video was filmed several months ago, my greatest turning point was when I discontinued using artificial tears, eyelid wipes and gels. I hadn’t realized I was overusing them and they were irritating my eyes.

Someone in my support group had found success through a naturopathic doctor. When a good friend mentioned she was seeing an excellent one – I decided to go to that same NT doctor. I had allergies, which were clearly evident with other health issues that had cropped up. And the likelihood that I had a food allergy was something I also considered.

I could evaluate my improvement by using letter grades. When I discovered my problem was an allergy and stopped doing the things that irritated my eyes – I went from a D/F to a C. That was a huge jump and really improved my quality of life.

It was that NT doctor who suggested a technique for soaking my eyes at night with coconut oil. The grade I would use after I began using coconut oil would be a B. Reaching a B was wonderful and certainly livable. After living with F eyes for three years, I was elated.

I wondered if I could achieve an A grade for my eyes. To me, that would mean that I could “forget about them” and they would feel like they used to.

For almost a year, I struggled to simply accept my C grade eyes. The thought of being disappointed again was too much for me to deal with. But I realize that I was gathering my strength. At the same time I planned to see the NT doctor, I made an appointment to be fitted with scleral lenses.

The appointment was over a month away. I debated about whether to cancel it after my eyes improved due to the coconut oil. It was very expensive and required a commitment. However, the fact that my eyes were less irritated gave me confidence and I decided to follow through.

When I had my first appointment, I was very impressed with the optometrist. He was very thorough and had read my chart carefully. When he asked me about my experience with daily soft contact lenses, I told him I had tried three times and the contacts hadn’t worked for different reasons. I longed for the vision I had with hard lenses for almost 40 years, even though I was practically blind without my lenses.

After some thought he said, “Let my try you with daily soft lenses first. Scleral lenses are extremely challenging to put in and take out. You don’t open your eyes well and that would make it harder. Since you’re experiencing less irritation, daily lenses might work for you.”

During that first appointment, I spent two hours in his office while he experimented with inserting different lenses in my eyes. I was a little disoriented from the different vision, but willing to try.

When I went home, I had a lot of trouble taking the lenses out. I was annoyed with myself because I thought I remembered how. I told the optometric assistant that I knew how, but instead I was at home pulling at my eyeballs and very frustrated. My eyes were extremely irritated for two days after that.

I sent the doctor a message and told him what had happened; I thought perhaps this was a dead end. He wrote back and encouraged me to come back in two weeks to try the samples he had ordered. He added that I would learn exactly how to take the lenses out when I was there.

I had two more appointments with this doctor. I learned how to easily put in and take the lenses out. But the best part was that I was amazed by the quality of my vision. It seemed that so many of the problems that I had with PVD, floaters and fog, seemed to be less distracting with better vision.

I didn’t use any contact lens solutions, which had preservatives and irritants. I purchased a saline solution to soak the lenses if I took them out during the day. At night, the lenses were thrown away.

Every time I wore these new lenses, I was in a state of awe and amazement. I could see the way I used to. I had always hated glasses.

Until I had great vision with these lenses, the most beautiful part of my journey was that my eyes didn’t hurt anymore. I have to admit that sometimes after wearing the lenses for a few hours, my eyes were tired and sore the rest of the day. I decided I was like Cinderella; I accepted that my “fairy tale” wasn’t absolutely perfect – but it was certainly good enough for me.

With my new daily soft contact lenses, I could give my eyes an A grade! I still had days where my eyes weren’t as good as others. But it was nothing like it was before and life was so much better. I began to plan a trip, whereas before I was afraid of traveling due to my eye condition.

My dry eye journey has been a grief process. I experienced profound depression, frustration and simply moved forward with it.

Since cataract surgery, my eyes were different. I couldn’t go back to where I started so instead I’ve reached a new place.

I am so grateful that I can journey forward in my life with a different focus that is not about dealing with discomfort in my eyes.

© Judy Unger and http://dryeyediaries@wordpress.com 2016. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Judy Unger with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

#44 MY HEALING AND NEW FOCUS – PART 1

I faithfully continued my coconut oil regimen that was given to me by a naturopathic doctor. (#41 A NATURAL PATH-PART 2)

I wanted to give it time before jumping to any conclusions about it being the reason my eyes felt better.

I had done that before when I assumed a steroid eye drop (Durezol) was helping me when it was actually the discontinuation of eyelid wipes and artificial tears that improved my eyes. Months later when my eyes back-slid and I used Durezol, it didn’t help me.

I sought out the naturopathic doctor because I knew I had an allergy, but my insurance plan had no help for me. All the blood tests for allergies came out negative. My corneal specialist told me my corneas were fine and suggested I just use the steroid drop indefinitely, despite the risks.

I was determined to help my eyes improve and ready to expend the money and energy.

After a month of soaking my eyes with coconut oil every night, I could honestly say my eyes were better than they had been in the four years since my problem began. I was almost pain-free every day.

The process itself was actually very soothing. The oil felt really good as I stared through it. My skin around my eyes felt wonderful, too and in the morning was soft from the night before. This was unlike many things I tried. Optimel (Manuka honey eye drops), testosterone cream, Azasite and Cliradex wipes had burned my eyes like crazy. Even serum tears on two occasions had caused my eyes to swell and torment me.

There were three times when I neglected to do the nighttime regimen. Each time, my eyes were sore and irritated on the following day. This just confirmed that my regimen was working for me. What was interesting was that it wasn’t simple to fix. Soaking my eyes with coconut oil during the day left my vision blurry and my eyes remained irritated.

I shared my regimen with my on-line support group. One woman tried it and wrote: “I’ve been doing what Judy has been doing; it helps quite a bit.”

I wished more people had tried it and found relief. I understood that it was unconventional. But it was actually the first regimen that didn’t hurt my eyes.

When I discovered I did much better without artificial tears, I felt badly because some people shared that when they stopped using artificial tears, they had corneal abrasions.

This was a reminder to me. Dry eyes have many causes. Everyone must search for his or her own “cure;” there wasn’t one cure for everyone.

My own personal search was expensive, arduous and discouraging. There were times when I felt hopeless and my pain was disabling.

Even though I tried so many things that were dismal failures, giving up just wasn’t an option for me.

 

© Judy Unger and http://dryeyediaries@wordpress.com 2016. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Judy Unger with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

#42 Carol and Hope

On this blog, I have had many posts where I am corresponding with Carol. A year ago, we started writing to each other after connecting through an online dry eye support group.

Carol was very discouraged when her dry eye condition began. She related to me because both of us suffered from our dry eye condition following cataract surgery.

I believe this will be my last post with Carol on the title. It is such a beautiful conclusion because Carol has made peace with her condition and is not suffering with it the way she was in the beginning. Is she cured? I don’t think so since she still follows a regimen to help her eyes.

But what is most important to me is that she is able to live without her eyes constantly interfering and depressing her. She is actually doing very well!

My correspondence with Carol began to slowly fade and I hadn’t heard from her for a while. Then I saw her post something to someone searching for hope on our support group site. It was so touching!

Just as I had reached out to help her, now she was reassuring another member that healing was possible.

I believe that searching for hope is an important part of healing. The more you look for something, the more likely you will find it.

 

Lili: Hello, everyone. I guess that if you are here it is because you deal with chronic pain from dry eye, but it would be very encouraging to have a success stories wall or something. For me, success would mean not feeling my eyes and being able to forget about them most of the time. I have MGD, so if you have a success story please feel free to share it here – or even if you have had some improvement over the time.

Carol: Compared to a year ago when I was always miserable, I’m 200% better. I used to be on support groups constantly and they really did help. Then I found a dry eye doc who really understood. She got me going on the right track – not perfect, but so much better. Find out what works for you. Know that it can get better. Best wishes!!

Lili: Carol, what is your regime?

Carol: It is a fraction of what I was doing a year ago when it seemed like I was doing something all day long for my eyes. I had Lipiflow a year ago July and that seems to have been a very good thing; I haven’t needed to do it again. I started Restasis and continue to use in both eyes in morning and only in right eye in evening. Hoping to eventually stop it as I did OTC drops, which I no longer use.

I use nighttime ointment only in right eye at bedtime if needed. Right eye is the one that gives me problems at times, but not nearly as bad as in the beginning. I do 7 minutes of warm moist compress in morning followed by lid massage. I think I could stop that, too. Entire routine doesn’t take more than 10 minutes or so. Life is almost as normal as it was before Dry Eye. Hope you find what works most for you. It is not the same treatment for everyone. Best wishes!!

Lili: Carol, that is music to my ears, this is what I’m talking about!!! Real people who get better! I’m so glad your life is back to normal. I could live with the “almost” normal.

Lori: Hey Carol, I have missed you but figured since you haven’t been around that you were doing better! I’m so glad to hear this. So you may be on of the .05 % that had benefit from Lipiflow! Fantastic! I’ve still held out trying since so many here have such negative reviews. Hope the rest of your summer goes great! So glad the quality of your life has improved. People need to hear that here!

‪Carol: Lori, you are right!! We do need to hear of hope. I wasn’t sure about Lipiflow either but my doctor is convinced that it helped me. You really don’t know until you try. I was in such misery last year and I was willing to do almost anything. My tear break up time is nearly normal and my eyelashes even grew back. Someone told me a long ago that people who improve don’t come to support groups. But glad this thread started so people know there is hope. At the time, improvement seemed impossible. Hope you are better!!!

Judy: Lili, I can vouch for how much Carol suffered. I remember when she first joined this group. We both connected because our problems began after cataract surgery. Carol, nothing makes me happier than to know you are in a better place with your eyes. Yay! Lili, I am also doing better. It can be such a struggle, but it’s important to stay hopeful and keep trying things. 🙂

‪Lori: I was trying to explain that to a few of the members here. Most people who have had success with dry eye treatments aren’t in these support groups. There are many people who have had success – it’s just that we are the worst of the worst – most conventional treatments have failed us here. I hate that that makes others feel so hopeless when they read all the negative reviews of these procedures here. So happy for you!

‪Lili: You are right! I get worse when I read that there are people struggling for decades, because I thought that most people suffer one or two years and then improve. It is so good to hear that are both doing well! Quality of life, that’s all I want 🙂

‪Judy: I always hope that by sharing I can help others. Lili, I found this so inspiring that I’ve shared your post on my dry eye blog.

© Judy Unger and http://dryeyediaries@wordpress.com 2016. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Judy Unger with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

 

#41 A NATURAL PATH – PART 2

I often think that dealing with dry eyes is a journey that requires resting and sprinting. Sometimes I just succumb to discouragement and try hard to accept the dismal condition that can easily rule my life. But I’ve realized that those periods are a time of gathering strength to keep trying to find a solution to my pain.

Two months ago, I felt like I was ready to try some new things to help my eyes feel better. I saw a highly recommended optometrist. She agreed with an ophthalmologist I had seen earlier in the year; my inflamed eyelids indicated that I suffered from an allergy. I had undergone allergy testing and nothing showed up. I replaced my pillow and mattress covers with expensive dust mite protective ones. What was I allergic to?

She suggested I try allergy drops again. I told her they hadn’t worked, but then she told me perhaps it was because of the preservatives. She said I could order a preservative-free allergy eye drop made by Similson.

I was determined and wanted to give this regimen a fair chance. Before the vials arrived, I tried my prescription allergy eye drops again for a few days. Within a day of doing that, my eyes were hurting. The Similson vials didn’t make a difference and I spiraled into a cycle of pain.

I decided to see the optometrist again so she could check me. She saw the irritation on my eyelids and told me to stop the drops immediately. Her recommendation was to go back on steroid eye drops twice a day.

My ophthalmologist assumed that was what I was doing. But I just was afraid to keep using them – the worst part was they didn’t seem to help me anymore. I left the appointment and went home in a fog of pain. I used the steroid drops that evening and had no relief at all.

The very familiar hopeless feeling began to set it and it was hard for me to stay positive. I had such a collection of remedies and wondered what was left to help me. A few months ago I ordered Manuka Honey drops from Australia. Before that, it was Castor Oil. Neither one helped at all.

I had another remedy to try that was given to me by a naturopathic doctor; it involved using coconut oil. I had waited on it because I didn’t want to try two things at once.

I really didn’t pin my hopes on it because I had tried using coconut oil on my eyelids a year earlier and it hadn’t helped. But I did love the smell of coconut oil; it was actually one of the best things for my hives and I kept some next to my bed.

The new regimen was a little different because I wouldn’t be putting oil in my eyes with an eye dropper. I would use eyecups; my eyes would be immersed in oil and I would do eye movements at the same time.

Now that I had stopped the allergy eye drops, it was time to give this a try.

This is from my treatment plan (Full version on Part 1).

LINK TO PURCHASE THE EYE CUPS ABOVE:  https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B013WD3YCW/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o07_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1

First, I needed to order eye cups, preferably glass, but I decided I’d get the plastic ones first because they would arrive sooner and I could be sure if this remedy was helpful or not. The first night, I simply used an eye dropper and put the coconut oil in my eyes before bed.

I woke up and noticed an improvement – the irritation seemed to be gone.

I didn’t want to get overly excited until I was sure. The next day, the eye cups arrived. Before I went to bed, I carefully filled them with the oil. Then I bent over and lifted my head so the oil covered my eyes. I put a towel on my chest because a little oil seeped out.

It was so strange – almost like looking underwater. But it was very cool and my eyes were relaxed. I could see all of my floaters literally floating by. I rotated my eyes in every direction ten times and then bent over to remove the cups.

I wiped my face with a towel and went to bed.

The next morning I was amazed. My eyes were so much better! What a difference it made for me when I didn’t have pain. I could function with so much more energy and hopefulness. I still had a lot of floaters and fog from PVD, but I could deal with that.

It has only been a week since I’ve been using the eye cups and coconut oil every night. My eyes continue to improve. Before, I used to dread the nighttime regimens. Hot compresses, Restasis and eyelid wiping – I hated them for causing my eyes to feel worse.

But now I’m actually looked forward to my new bedtime regimen. It’s soothing and I know it’s helping me!

It seems like the changes I’m making are making a difference. I look forward to getting healthier now and am so grateful that I’ve moved forward on my dry eye journey to try something that has actually helped me.

A friend shared this Internet clip with me.

These are brands of coconut oil that I’ve used.

© Judy Unger and http://dryeyediaries@wordpress.com 2016. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Judy Unger with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

#40 A NATURAL PATH – PART 1

My vocal coach, Hannah Anders, recommended the naturopathic doctor that I saw. I share an audio clip below of me discussing my experience with her.

Dry Eye Diaries Blog Excerpt with Hannah 7-28-16

Two years ago, there was a woman in my dry eye support group who had a lot of success after seeing a naturopathic doctor; she called it a “functional MD.” I had no idea where to find a functional MD in my area that I could trust, but instead I decided to follow her regimen of a paleo diet. It didn’t help my eyes, so after three months I discontinued it.

But I did keep some of the dietary changes. I stopped using artificial sweeteners and seldom drank coffee anymore.

When I made an appointment with a highly recommended naturopathic doctor, I was certain the first thing I’d need to do was change my diet again. Two eye doctors had now told me that my eyelid irritation was an allergy, so it certainly seemed possible that it could be a food allergy.

My first appointment went differently than I expected.

I arrived at the naturopathic doctor’s office; the room was comforting and had a lovely aroma. Dr. Wang warmly squeezed my hand and ushered me into her office. She sat across from me and we began discussing my health concerns. I had a list of ailments. My dry eyes were my biggest issue, followed by itchy hive outbreaks, frequent painful leg cramps and persistent heartburn. After pestering my doctor for these problems and following his recommendations, I was still tormented.

I was surprised that she didn’t examine me; there was no weighing or blood pressure check. It was basically a ninety-minute discussion.

Dr. Wang quizzed me about my eye pain and wanted to know if my eyes felt better after I cried. I told her that crying made my eyes feel significantly worse. Her conclusion was that “drainage” was my issue.

I wasn’t sure exactly what drainage referred to, but it seemed that I had the same issue with digestion. I was taking a lot of antacid to squelch my heartburn. She explained that doing that had slowed my digestion and if my food weren’t fully digested, toxins would be excreted through my skin – possibly that was the cause of my hives. And cramps were a result of vitamins not being absorbed.

I found it fascinating and it did make sense. My rash outbreaks and cramps seemed to coincide with my increasing use of antacid medications.

At the end of our appointment, she gave me a detailed treatment plan. Some of it was more than I could wrap my head around at the moment. But I was willing to try.

First, I needed to purge my life of all plastic items. I went shopping to purchase stainless steel water bottles and cookware, as well as glass storage containers. Dr. Wang explained that Teflon and anodized steel cookware wasn’t healthy – even birds died when they were exposed to it. I was so used to using plastic storage items and wasn’t sure where to begin, but I began making the switch.

My new 32 oz. drinking cup

The hardest thing was when she asked me to stop swimming in a chlorinated pool. Swimming was exercise that calmed me and it would be tough to give up. Even though I explained that I wore goggles, she told me that skin absorption of chlorine was the problem. Her recommendation was that I walk every day for 30 minutes and include wrist or ankle weights.

Although I hated to give up swimming, I told myself it was temporary. I needed to try everything she recommended in order to help my eyes.

I purchased several supplements from her list before leaving that appointment. There were digestive enzyme caplets to take with meals, a probiotic and a Glutagenics powder added to water to soothe my heartburn.

The supplements were expensive, but within a few days I noticed I didn’t have any more itchy welts or intense leg cramps like I had before that appointment. That first week, it was challenging not to pop a Tums for heartburn, but gradually it became easier.

I was instructed to drink a lot of water and also to purchase distilled aloe vera liquid. I bought a gallon jug and was relieved that it was tasteless and easy to drink.

She was concerned that I had esophageal damage from the heartburn and recommended I ask my regular doctor for a scope test of it. My HMO doctor ordered it for me and I was also fortunate also that the lab tests she wanted would also be covered by my HMO. In three weeks we would meet again to discuss the results.

There was an eye regimen she listed that involved ghee (clarified butter) or coconut oil.

I decided to wait on that regimen because I wanted to first give another regimen using preservative-free allergy eye drops a try. I let her know and she agreed that it was best to do one thing at a time.

I was grateful my other issues were diminishing – but at the same time my eyes were terrible because the allergy drops were worsening my condition. I was having a lot of trouble doing things because my vision and emotional state were affected.

© Judy Unger and http://dryeyediaries@wordpress.com 2016. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Judy Unger with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

#39 Judy and Carol

On Jul 15, 2016, Carol wrote:

Hi, Judy,

July half over!! Time flying!! Looking forward to cooler days, though, as heat has been bad. Your video shoot must be done by now. That was a very different thing to do.  

I’m still doing “less is more” with eyes; some days are better than others. I hope you are doing better too.

Take care, Carol

 

On Jul 15, 2016, Judy wrote:

Hi Carol,

It was so nice to hear from you this morning. It’s been awhile so I have a lot going on to share. The video shoot was definitely a great experience. It was so exciting that I was able to forget how much my eyes bothered me. I wonder if I truly conveyed the suffering this condition causes me.

Either way, if anything I said helps other people – then it was worth opening up my heart to share how I cope. And of course, am still coping! This past week was really hard for me because I had a terrible cold.

My eyes took a big hit and hurt me terribly. On top of that, I had another outbreak of hives. So I was itching and coughing all week. It’s been a long time since I’ve felt well. I also have been woken up in the mornings with awful leg cramps and heartburn.

I finally decided to try something new to help myself feel better. I made an appointment with a naturopathic doctor. It’s going to be this coming Wednesday. I had to fill out 9 pages for the intake. I know it will involve some radical changes – but I’m ready. When I tried paleo diet before, I was unsure of everything and gave up after a few months. This time I’m hoping I’ll get some guidance and that will make the difference.

Today I have more news. I decided to see a friend’s highly recommended optometrist. I know that optometrists can also treat dry eye, so I was hoping for some other new ideas.

This doctor was lovely and she explained so many things to me that made sense. She said my meibomium glands were pretty open, but my eyelids were severely irritated.

Right away, she felt it was an allergy.

I told her Claritin and allergy drops hadn’t helped. She felt allergy drops might have irritated my eyes with preservatives. I was impressed when she did some research and found some that were preservative-free. I ordered them on Amazon with a rush when I got home. I’m seeing her again in two weeks and will see if these drops help.

As far as my vision, she said I’d be a great candidate for scleral lenses. That could solve my vision and dry eye issues (hopefully!). It’s very expensive, but now I’m willing to try.

I feel like that inspirational eye video I participated in came too soon. I know I was still inspirational, but it sure would be great if I had solved my chronic eye discomfort.

I will continue to keep trying and trying! I’ll definitely let you know how it goes with the new naturopathic doctor next week.

In the meantime, hope you have a good weekend and aren’t boiling over there.

Judy

© Judy Unger and http://dryeyediaries@wordpress.com 2016. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Judy Unger with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

#37 I STOPPED ASKING WHY

My blog title is a line of lyrics from my newest song “The Key.”

When I was in deep grief, acceptance seemed unreachable. Today, I sometimes feel that way with my eye condition. It’s hard to accept that my eyes bother me all the time.

What definitely brought me down in grief (and similarly with my eyes), is the question of why it happened to me.

Because there was no comforting answer when I was grieving the loss of my child, it was a question I eventually let go of. With my eye condition, I am trying to do that, too.

Lately, I’ve found it difficult to write for my blog; I didn’t want to write anything mundane. With all seriousness, I simply added pressure with the thought that I won’t write unless it’s something profound. All that led me to was a blank page.

I’m glad I’ve decided to write again without worrying whether it’s moving or not.

I made the decision this week, to participate in a video interview related to living with dry eyes. My condition is something that I’m acutely aware of every moment of my day. It has also partially contributed to my inability to write much here because I hate complaining about my eyes.

What’s so interesting is that I started this blog so I could write about dealing with my dry eyes. It was this blog that led me to this venture.

Before agreeing to this project, I first needed to find out if it was legitimate. It was, and I will be paid for my time and involvement.

I was asked to select someone close to join me during the filming. That way, I could engage with my friend about the challenges I’ve faced with my eyes. I chose my childhood friend, Joni.

The filming will happen in approximately two weeks and the crew is going to come to Kulak’s Woodshed where I perform every other Tuesday evening. I’m both nervous and excited.

To be honest, I was very uncomfortable thinking about my appearance and how my tiny apartment would look. I decided I am an ordinary middle-aged woman (to put it lightly), and that is fine since most of the people watching are not expecting me to be young and glamorous.

Also, early on when I was debating about doing this, a friend told me, “Oh, you can’t do it because you’re having such a hard time with it still.”

That is true. I do wish I could be in a better place with my eyes so that I could offer more hope to others. But on the other hand, I hardly think I am a spokesperson for dry eyes since I suffer far less than many other people with this awful disease.

I don’t know what my future is with this condition, but I’ve decided (a recent realization), that I’d rather focus on what I can do versus what I can’t.

In many ways, I am discouraged by how my eyes “hold me back.” I am reluctant to travel or socialize because of my discomfort. But I am also encouraged at how much I can still do despite living with the irritation and discomfort. The fact that my eye pain doesn’t show is both a blessing and a curse. I’m not really looking for sympathy, but since my pain is invisible to others – most people are completely unaware of my discomfort.

The completed video will be shown on a health-related website and I’ll share a link to it once it’s available. I’m glad that I’ve broken the barrier to start writing again!

Click this link to hear a conversation with my vocal coach, Hannah Anders, as I shared my concerns about doing the dry eye video.

Blog excerpt discussing dry eye video with Hannah, my vocal coach

In the transcription below, Hannah’s words are in blue.

I was contacted by a documentary filmmaker. They want to use me on a segment for dry eyes, an inspirational story. I said, “But I’m not cured.” I mean how can I inspire when I’m going through this and I’m still searching?

Because you’re going through it and still searching!

Yeah.

You know how many people throw in the towel and get ailed and cranky and bitter and awful because they’re ailed?

Or they kill themselves . . .

They kill themselves – absolutely. Chronic issues are really unbearable for a lot of the population and they do just kill themselves.

Well, I feel like it’s chronic at this point, but I don’t want to think that. I want to still think that one day I can get beyond it.

You’re going to get beyond it because we’re not limited by what’s in front of us as an answer.

The other side is – I live with it. And I just keep moving forward. I don’t know what my future holds. It doesn’t matter. I’m going to keep doing the things I love. I’m going to keep watching my children grow. I’m going to keep singing.

That’s why you’re inspiring in a video. Because you’re not cured yet!

But I’m not going to stop living – that’s it.

But many do – for them to come and follow you and for you to say, “I am always in search of the answer, but I have to live in this body right now – I have to live with these eyes right now. And, I’ve made the best of that!”

That’s right!

It’s one thing for somebody to say, “I’ve cured it! Look how inspirational I am!” Well no shit! You don’t feel anything. Of course, you’re inspirational – you’re happy as a clam. But you know you’re in the space of having to just hunker down with this thing and live with it!

Thank you. Maybe that’s why I can be a good songwriter because I can tell the story of how to heal myself and I’m still going through it!

Absolutely, so – I think you should do it. I think that would be great. And I think that there’s an answer. I think it’s going to lie in the functional side of your body and it’s going to lie in the trauma and I think it’s going to lie in getting whatever that is, back in balance. Our bodies want to heal!

© Judy Unger and http://dryeyediaries@wordpress.com 2016. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Judy Unger with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

#36 FEATHERS IN MY EYES

Living with my dry eye condition is hard to really describe. Like the ocean, it ebbs and flows. Like the moon, it waxes and wanes.

Metaphors, metaphors – somehow they help me explain what is unexplainable. And that has led me to describe the discomfort that I currently live with as “feathers in my eyes.” That is definitely an improvement over when my condition began. I’m not describing a spider stinging me anymore, which is up there on my blog header.

When I am having a better day, the feathers in my eyes brush lightly. They aren’t really painful, but they are definitely distracting and annoying.

And it’s even possible to have a day that is “decent” and also “terrible.” My eye condition can change abruptly for the worse. One moment, the feathers become harsh and painful. My eyes are burning and foggy and the discomfort doesn’t even stop when my eyes are closed.

When I’m outdoors and with people, if I’m having a tough day with my eyes I will cry easily. I feel depressed about life in general. If I am at home, I feel safer. If my eyes are hurting I will simply go to sleep.

Since I developed my dry eyes in 2012 after cataract surgery, I’ve gained a lot of weight. Eating takes away some of my pain, and unfortunately that has left me with the pain of being overweight, in addition to my eye pain.

When my eyes are hurting, there hasn’t been any remedy that has taken away my pain significantly. I thought that a steroid eye drop was the answer, but now it has dawned on me. What stopped my pain wasn’t the eye drop. It was when I stopped doing all the remedies: the eyelid wipes, the artificial tears and the hot compresses. It was a coincidence that I used the steroid eye drop at that time. So less is more continues for me.

I saw my dry eye doctor last week. She seemed detached and frustrated for me at the same time. I would have liked more compassion. She had no ideas to help me and reminded me that I was the only patient that didn’t benefit from the Thermoflo treatment. I did know that wasn’t true because the nurse said that there was someone else.

Two years ago, she was willing to try anything I asked for and I could write a long list of all the medications she has prescribed for me. But now, it seemed like there wasn’t anything left for me to try.

The greater truth was that I didn’t want to try anything because my eyes are so sensitive. Last month, I did try a new allergy drop. Within a few minutes, my eyes were foggy and irritated. All of the allergy tests I was given at that appointment came back negative, so for now the “allergy road” isn’t one I will continue to go down for answers.

Of course, I haven’t given up. I have a few other ideas of things I want to try and plan to share them on this blog. But I’m resting now to gather my emotional strength again to reach that place.

One thing I have realized, is that the depression over my eyes is something I am so tired of wrestling with. There was a day last week – ironically it was the day when I saw my eye doctor. As I waited to see her, my eyes were filled with painful feathers. I thought I had an infection from rubbing my eyes, because the burning was so intense.

I left that appointment in tears – filled with confusion. My doctor told me everything looked fine and had no ideas to help me. I was glad nothing was wrong, but still I was on my own with this pain.

Later that day after resting, I decided to push myself to go out for the evening. I noticed my eyes were not painful and I was able to ignore the feathers. I was proud of myself and was amazed how I had the ability to rise beyond my eye condition.

The realization from this was that when I focused on my pain – it threw me completely down. The ability to focus on other things that were good in my life helped me tremendously.

Letting go of the pain is something I’m always working on. The fight subsides when I look away from it, and instead look at better parts of my life that I am grateful for despite this condition.

© Judy Unger and http://dryeyediaries@wordpress.com 2016. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Judy Unger with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

#35 MY SECOND THERMOFLO TREATMENT

The nurse administering my treatment was a kind and caring woman. She had me lie down. As she started the machine, she put on soft meditation music and I told her it was lovely. She replied, “Oh, thank you! I searched it up and decided to put it on whenever I do these treatments – it helps to relax me, too!”

Today there would be no Beta-dyne brushed on first to irritate my eyes. I closed my eyes as she squeezed out a cool gel over them. The machine began to hum. I could have been in a dentist’s chair, but instead I was having my eyelids brushed.

She said, “After four minutes I am going to press harder. It shouldn’t hurt – but I am trying to express the oils thoroughly that way.”

I asked her if she would see the oil being released. She explained that it showed up as a cloudy yellowish color. The clear gel changed as the oil mixed into it. At the end she actually showed it to me and I took a picture.

She told me that she had time to research some of my questions. One of them was how this differed from Lipoflow. She said that Lipiflow was more invasive; that it required anesthetizing the eye and having a barrier lens put on as protection during the treatment. I didn’t know that.

My HMO did not yet commit to buy this $23,000 machine. I was one of 14 test subjects. Other than me, only one other person did not report relief after treatment. But I was hopeful that this second treatment would be different without using the Beta-dyne that possibly irritated my eyes the last time.

In two weeks, I had a third treatment scheduled. It would follow a visit with my dry eye doctor.

For 30 minutes the nurse chatted while she massaged my eyelids. When she applied more pressure, it didn’t hurt – but it wasn’t that pleasant. Finally, she was done. I sat up slowly and opened my eyes.

Her stories of people gasping with clearer vision didn’t uplift me. I blinked and the residual gel made my eyes blurry. I knew it took time for that to clear.

I thanked that sweet nurse with a hug and promised I’d let her know later in the day how my eyes felt.

The afternoon wore on and I didn’t feel anything remarkable. In fact, my eyes felt slightly sore. I tried to push that thought aside. By evening there was no doubt; my eyes were terribly irritated.

The feeling was familiar – discouragement and spiraling depression. A remedy offered hope and relief. A failed remedy set me way back. The fallout of pain left me thinking that there was little else left to try.

Why couldn’t I have been one of those lucky patients who found relief?

That question was one I didn’t want to ask. But it kept shouting in my head.

I promised the nurse I would let her know how I was doing. I typed out a message and she sent me a reply to follow.

A setback won’t put me back where I started, although sometimes it feels that way.

Even though I feel knocked down, I’m not going to give up my hope. I’ve already traveled farther away from the pain of when this awful condition began. A setback won’t put me back where I started, although sometimes it feels that way.

© Judy Unger and http://dryeyediaries@wordpress.com 2016. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Judy Unger with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.